I love my wife dearly, but as the Baptist say, bless her heart. I have never met another woman quite like her. She has been asking me to do a guest post about how things look from my perspective. The only restrictions were that I have to keep it brief and be funny. If you have ever met me, or read my blog, you know that my sense of humor is very much an acquired taste. Furthermore as all of my students will tell you, I talk. A lot. The word verbose is used about me often. I’ll try to stay on topic though. Today, rather than write a serious dissertation on what it’s like to be a newly married groom I thought that I would humor you with random facts about my wife. If you have ever met her then these will be very familiar to you. Audience members, please feel free to add your own in the comment section.
Random Fact 1- I can always find where my wife is in the house by following the trail of shoes. Now, when she moved in I obviously rearranged the closet to accommodate her clothing. While doing so I gave up some nice shelf space to her shoe collection. Gentleman in the audience, every joke about women and shoes is 100% true. That’s why they’re funny. Now, this substantial, well semi substantial, shelf space is only used to house the shoes that aren’t really made to be worn. Most are apparently made to look cute while inflicting maximum pain on a woman’s tender feet. The shoes that my wife wears regularly tend to be found in odd place. Under the couch, the bed, beside the dining room table, the doorways, even in the kitchen. The inevitable question when we are about to leave is “Stewart, where are my shoes?”
Random Fact 2- My wife tends to spread out. When we first got engaged I lived in a small one bed one bath house. A house that I built with me on two hands I might add. With a little help from my friends. Now, it was a regular question in Casa de Felkel as to how we were going to house myself, a wife, and two rambunctious dogs. We especially questioned our bathroom situation. Fast forward a year and we are in a new home with vastly more space and a master bath that has his and hers sinks. Fantastic! The other day I went to brush my teeth only to find my lovely wife doing the same. At my sink. Why my sink? Because hers was full of clothes. Clothes! Who drapes clothes in their sink? Not only has my sink been commandeered, but the plugs on my side are being used to power straighteners, hair driers, and other instruments that look like they could be used to interrogate terrorists. She told me the other day that we need more space.
Random Fact 3- My wife is cool, calm, and collected in a crisis situation. Provided the crisis is overly large and/or not about her. That’s right, large scale, end of the world, zombie apocalypse style crisis don’t bother her at all. Once upon a time she was caught in a hit and run accident. The story is actually very amusing, but I’ll let my wife tell it to you one day herself. I was following a ways back in my own vehicle when I found her wrecked car parked and her calmly calling the police, her parents, insurance agents, the works. No sweat. Never mind that she almost died ten minutes earlier. Small scale crisis are a different matter entirely. Today she almost had a panic attack because she convinced herself that she wouldn’t have enough observation hours to be allowed to student teach. Rather than call her advisor she convinced herself that she wouldn’t be able to graduate for an additional six months. You could say that we have an issue with mountains and molehills.
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