Never EVER Workout Together

Some couples find it very relaxing and very exciting to workout together. Well, that's not the case in my marriage. My husband is the most annoying person to workout with. He thinks he knows everything; even though I'm the Kinesiology major. I mean seriously, I'm studying this stuff, and he's going to ignore me?! Ridiculous. He tries to tell me that it's because we are working out different parts. Umm, hello, there are other exercises besides squats. Sorry, I'm just trying to provide him with a wider variety of exercises. You don't see me trying to tell him how to play the trumpet. That's his job, of course he knows what he's doing. Or at least I hope he does. You never know.

Also, I have had several trainers and been to several bootcamps. I know what I'm talking about! I have teachers that I can use as resources, textbooks on hand, and workout plans that I have used. Take my advice, I have been doing this a lot longer then he has. I've actually played sports, he was in marching band. Really, who do you think knows more?!

So not only do we not do good working out together, he always exercises at inconvenient times. Tonight for example, right before I want to start cooking. Do I look like I'm one of those kinds of wives that would have dinner waiting for him for when he gets home. I don't think so! Why workout knowing that I'm hungry and I want to start cooking. Now, he will tell you it's because I won't let him workout. Well that's bull. We have an elliptical and several other pieces of workout equipment and yet he prefers to go to the gym. I'm sorry that I want him to use the things that we have at home. Use the things that we have available and that are FREE!!

Sorry for the short rant, but somethings need to be said. On a better note, I have lost 5 pounds since walking down the aisle, and I feel amazing. Looks, like marriage is for me. : )

My Husband the Writer

My husband is a man of many talents. He won't admit to any of these but he's an incredible musician, great teacher, very artistic, and he's very good at building things. His latest venture is writing. And I have to say it's become the most annoying. Now, I will support my husband till the end of time. I always have. But sometimes I just want to tell the man to stick to one hobby and perfect it. What's wrong with having one hobby that you are absolutely great at?! Then you can say you're the best at it. It doesn't make any sense to me!! So he writes, and I have to put up with it. It's very boring to just sit around and listen to him type and mumble. Yes, he mumbles. It's very annoying and drives me insane. And god forbid you interrupt him when "he's on a roll". Trust me, bad idea. Not only could you possibly lose your life, he will bring you back just to kill you again. How am I suppose to get anything done in this kind of stressful environment?!

So he came to me a couple of years ago and told me he was going to write something. I was of course very excited and supportive of him. Well a year goes by and nothing finished. Ok, sometimes these things take time. Another year goes by and nothing. Really?! Two years, and the man hasn't produced a single finished piece of writing?! I've heard of writers taking a long time to write but come on, this thing isn't even a 100 pages.

So finally, a couple of months ago he comes to me with a finished novella and I have to admit it's amazing. I didn't realize just how talented he was. Yes, he needs some good editing and some more experience. But the man has some talent. He finally self published it as an e book. He has had some sells but not what he was hoping for. I have no idea what he was expecting. No one becomes successful over night.

Look guys, I'm trying to be the supportive wife here, but the man is driving me insane. So could you guys do me a favor and buy the dang book. It's only 99 cents. You don't even have to read it! Just buy it and delete it (that's what I did). Just kidding. Support us here. I'm trying to get him famous so I can be the trophy wife I deserve to be.

Offerings by Stewart Felkel. You can find it on amazon, barnes and noble, itunes, and smashwords. Please for the love of all goodness buy the book!!

Husband Tells All!!

I love my wife dearly, but as the Baptist say, bless her heart. I have never met another woman quite like her. She has been asking me to do a guest post about how things look from my perspective. The only restrictions were that I have to keep it brief and be funny. If you have ever met me, or read my blog, you know that my sense of humor is very much an acquired taste. Furthermore as all of my students will tell you, I talk. A lot. The word verbose is used about me often. I’ll try to stay on topic though. Today, rather than write a serious dissertation on what it’s like to be a newly married groom I thought that I would humor you with random facts about my wife. If you have ever met her then these will be very familiar to you. Audience members, please feel free to add your own in the comment section.

Random Fact 1- I can always find where my wife is in the house by following the trail of shoes. Now, when she moved in I obviously rearranged the closet to accommodate her clothing. While doing so I gave up some nice shelf space to her shoe collection. Gentleman in the audience, every joke about women and shoes is 100% true. That’s why they’re funny. Now, this substantial, well semi substantial, shelf space is only used to house the shoes that aren’t really made to be worn. Most are apparently made to look cute while inflicting maximum pain on a woman’s tender feet. The shoes that my wife wears regularly tend to be found in odd place. Under the couch, the bed, beside the dining room table, the doorways, even in the kitchen. The inevitable question when we are about to leave is “Stewart, where are my shoes?”

Random Fact 2- My wife tends to spread out. When we first got engaged I lived in a small one bed one bath house. A house that I built with me on two hands I might add. With a little help from my friends. Now, it was a regular question in Casa de Felkel as to how we were going to house myself, a wife, and two rambunctious dogs. We especially questioned our bathroom situation. Fast forward a year and we are in a new home with vastly more space and a master bath that has his and hers sinks. Fantastic! The other day I went to brush my teeth only to find my lovely wife doing the same. At my sink. Why my sink? Because hers was full of clothes. Clothes! Who drapes clothes in their sink? Not only has my sink been commandeered, but the plugs on my side are being used to power straighteners, hair  driers, and other instruments that look like they could be used to interrogate terrorists. She told me the other day that we need more space.

Random Fact 3- My wife is cool, calm, and collected in a crisis situation. Provided the crisis is overly large and/or not about her. That’s right, large scale, end of the world, zombie apocalypse style crisis don’t bother her at all. Once upon a time she was caught in a hit and run accident. The story is actually very amusing, but I’ll let my wife tell it to you one day herself. I was following a ways back in my own vehicle when I found her wrecked car parked and her calmly calling the police, her parents, insurance agents, the works. No sweat. Never mind that she almost died ten minutes earlier. Small scale crisis are a different matter entirely. Today she almost had a panic attack because she convinced herself that she wouldn’t have enough observation hours to be allowed to student teach. Rather than call her advisor she convinced herself that she wouldn’t be able to graduate for an additional six months. You could say that we have an issue with mountains and molehills.

 Well, that’s all I have time for tonight. If I’m allowed back, a big if, I think I’ll write about how decisions are made in a marriage. Husband’s it will be familiar territory I’m sure.

Danger Danger!!

I love my husband but... (you know it's going to be good when I start it like this)... the man CAN'T drive!!! He is absolutely the most terrible driver I have ever met. I dread driving with him! It's like I'm taking a chance every time I get in the passenger seat. Maybe I should start a will and update it every time I get in the car.

He's a very passive driver. Not defensive at all!! Not only that but he drives like an old man. He'll stare out into space and not pay attention to the fact that he's going 15 under the speed limit. It drives me insane!! Come on, I have places to go and I want to get there timely! Sheesh! And then gets upset when I ask him to speed up! Even when I say please (in his defense that's not very often and it's never really serious)!! Not only that but he drives a standard. I'm not dissing the standard cars, I wish I was better at driving them. But they aren't the best at stopping and going.

Now, I get severely carsick. I mean severely! I can get sick just sitting in the front seat. Needless to say, I usually driver everywhere we go. Which is fine because I love driving. But every once in awhile I make the fatal mistake of letting him (yes, letting him) drive. Whenever we get where we are going I want to kiss the ground. I didn't know you could be a terrible driver without driving fast. He's a terrible driver who drives slow! How does that even happen?! I'm aware that there is such a thing as a cautious driver, but come on! This is taking it to the extreme! Speed up and get a little aggressive. Not so much to ask out of the man!

This will be the first post that I don't let Stewart read. You can probably guess why. This will get me in a lot of trouble, but the world needs to know that if you see him coming get the heck out of the way! Either that, or just wave when you pass him. 

Future of the Felkels

I hope everyone noticed the title of the blog. Yes, my name has been changed and I took his. The new social security card came in and now I'm just waiting on my debit card. So whoo!! New name!! When you get married people are constantly asking you questions about your future. Such as "when are you having kids", "are you staying here in Louisiana", or "what are your plans for the future". So the post is to answer all those questions!

The biggie, kids. Now for those of you that know me, know I'm not the best kid person. It's like they know I'm a giant kid and we can get in trouble together. It's not that I don't like kids, I love kids. They have tiny clothes and shoes!! What's not to love?? But I love heading them back over the most. We have a lot of nieces, nephews, and friends with kids. I love hanging out and playing with them all. They are all great kids. I'm better with kids now, then 4 years ago. So, after saying all that, Stewart and I at this moment have agreed that we aren't having any kids. Shock, I know. But we are open for discussion after I turn 26. For the time being, we are going to enjoy each other, and enjoy not having to change poopy diapers!! (Jess and Shannon, I'm willing to learn to help you guys out)

I have never wanted to stay in Louisiana. It's hot and humid. And there's shellfish everywhere, and I'd rather not accidentally eat some and die! I love traveling. I have been all over the world and there is so much more to see. So, I'm wanting to move away for a little bit and Stewart has agreed that he could see us living somewhere else for a couple of years. We need a break from here! Don't judge us! We will come back. But I'm thinking Georgia for grad school. I have family there and my parents have an apartment there. I have learned one important thing since being married, and that's that I'm a mama's girl. My mom and I talk/see each other more now then when I was single and living off there dime. I can't live far away from her. It's not good!

I have no idea what the future could hold for us or our marriage. But I do know that we are going to enjoy each other and enjoy the spontaneity of our marriage. Basically, we aren't going to take advantage of the luxuries we have now. Maybe, I can convince Stewart instead of investing in kids to invest in a Summer home in France. Maybe instead of moving away, we will buy a house here and make lots of babies. (Not!) But as of right now, we are poor, have nothing but each other, and looking forward to our future.